Labor Tips for Dads

Most guys come to my childbirth class totally wondering how they got dragged there in the first place. Not for lack of love and caring for their wife and new baby, but because they are out of their comfort zone. I reassure them that they are already the best labor support for their partner. After all, she chose him to be her partner in life. For better or worse. Having a baby is about as much "life" as it gets, and encompasses both the "better and the worse."

Here's a few tips for guys who find their palms sweaty at the thought of supporting their beloved during the most intense and wonderful day of their lives together:

•  Go ahead.....attend childbirth classes and learn along with your expectant wife/partner.
•  Be as involved in her care as you are comfortable, such as going to some of the appointments, helping her make healthy food choices and offering to take walks with her.
• Make plans ahead of time for how your place of employment will handle your sudden absence for the birth. Anything that can be done ahead of time should be taken care of well in advance of her due date.
• Take the guess work out of helping her in labor. Ask her what helps her relax, exactly how she likes to be massaged, etc. Open communication is essential.
• Talk to the belly. Your interest in her growing belly is another way for you to bond as a growing family.
• Take the time to read some of the things she is learning, and ask questions about things you don't understand. Respect her feelings and her wishes on certain subjects, but don't be afraid to engage conversations about sensitive issues. 

Above all, be open, receptive and interested. Your baby's birth is a big event for both of you.

Why I Teach Bradley Childbirth

(This is a copy of an essay I wrote on Facebook the other day...just a repeat here for anyone who might have missed it!)

I have been teaching birthing classes to expectant moms and their partners for over two decades. Mostly my classes were held in my living room, turned classroom. The kids and I would spend class day sweeping, dusting and transforming our family room area into a peaceful and clean oasis for the new mamas and papas. This year I moved my class room to an off site location so that my kids could feel a measure of privacy in our now very small townhome. There just isnt't the space for big classes in the smallish living room, filled with rock band accessories, musical instruments and art supplies.

But I did decide to go ahead and teach my private classes in this smaller setting. So on Monday this week we were doing our "deep clean" ritual, right down to the yucky crumbs under the couch. As we were all grumbling about cleaning, it dawned on me why I still teach. When my first beautiful baby was born by Cesarean section, my body responded by shooting my blood pressure up to dangerous levels. I was sedated and drugged for nearly a week as the doctors and nurses tip toed around my bed, hoping to avert any seizure activity in this young mama. I was numb and out of it. I guess that was to my advantage, because I didin't know until much later how dangerous my situation had become......

Fast forward two and half years. At the suggestion of a friend, I took a Bradley Childbirth Class. Short story, I gave birth to a healthy, beautiful baby boy on August 2, 1986 with no drugs or surgery. I was ecstatic! We had decided that if I had a repeat of the first dangerous birth, then he would be our last child.

Happily, the story doesn't end there. With a beautiful strong birth story under my belt, I trained to become a Bradley teacher myself. And went on to have four more awesome babies.....alll without drugs or surgery. .....

So, when my three YOUNGEST children were helping me clean for Bradley, it was a sobering thought...if not for my successful Bradley birth with thier older brother, they might not have been born. With that change of heart and perspective we joyfully cleaned right down to the dustboards and cobwebs.

My heart is full, and I am so grateful that I have the awesome privilege to mother 6 great kids!

Affirmations for the Pregnant Mama

Maintain a positive outlook during pregnancy. Incorporate thoughtful meditation into your daily routine. Set aside 15-20 minutes to consciously relax your body starting with your head and working down your spine to your legs and feet. In addition to relaxing muscle groups, internalize positive mental images and messages that help you find your inner strength. Giving birth will take a woman on a journey that is both soul expanding and physically challenging. Most women do not know how strong they are until they give birth. Arm  yourself with affirmations that are reflective of positive beliefs regarding birth.

Here are some to start with:

1.  My body has an inner wisdom.
2. I am strong.
3. My body knows how to give birth.
4. My body is nourishing my child at this moment.
5. I have everything I need to birth my baby.
6. My body works perfectly.
7. I surrender to the power of birth.
8. With practice, I can learn to ride the contractions like waves.
9. I am already strong and capable.
10. My body is flexible and stretchy and fully equipped for birth.

Trust in birth. 

Believe in yourself.

Childbirth Without Fear

“Many women have described their experiences of childbirth as being associated with a spiritual uplifting, the power of which they have never previously been aware … To such a woman childbirth is a monument of joy within her memory. She turns to it in thought to seek again an ecstasy which passed too soon.” ~ Grantly Dick-Read 

This quote is from a classic book on childbirth, "Childbirth Without Fear." That was one of the first books I read when I was expecting my first child in 1984. I was 19 years old, scared and excited all at the same time. Fortunately, for me, I was surrounded by women who were experienced in natural childbirth, who were confident at breastfeeding, and very much "attachment parenting" type moms, although that term wasn't coined until later. They nurtured me into my childbearing years, showing me the way simply by their very presence. They let me live life with them. When my first beautiful baby was welcomed into this world by cesarean, they lovingly helped me breastfeed, and eventually helped me find my way to Bradley Classes and a doctor who supported VBAC. They mentored me, loved me, and created a safe place for me to ask questions. 

The quote above reminds me of those precious days, and how fortunate I was to have such dear friends. I don't remember which of them told me to read Dr. Grantly Dick-Read's book, but it had a profound impact on my view of birth. And, I must add, that I experienced that "spiritual uplifting", an empowerment like none other with my 5 VBAC's. 

To Doula or NOT to Doula....That is the Question!

A doula is someone who mothers the mother. She offers support before, during and after birth. Her presence can be calming and reassuring. For much of recorded history, women have been attended by other females in labor. Sisters, aunts, neighbors and friends would be helpers at a birth. Their training was simply their previous experience doing this for others in the community.

Now there are doula training organizations that teach women the skills needed to be an effective doula. DONA, CAPPA, ICEA, ALACE and Intuitive Doula are some of the organizations that offer doula training. Doula's who have experienced natural childbirth have their own life experiences, as well.

A doula is not a medical person. She holds your hand, applies warm or cool compresses, coaches you through tough contractions. She can inform, instruct, educate and explain hospital jargon. She cannot negotiate with the doctor for you, but you can consult with her when making a decision about your care. She will help you change positions in labor, help with communication with your birth team and be like an older, wiser sister to encourage and help during the birth.

Another role of the doula is to support your partner. She can get him some food or drink, take over coaching while he catches a nap, talk with the family in the waiting room, take pictures so your partner can focus on you and the baby, etc.

A good doula will honor your wishes, and support you as a strong, capable birthing woman. She will honor your partners place at the birth and view her role as supportive of  the two of you. Interview a few doula's and think about which one you feel at home with. She will be with you during your most vulnerable moments.

The decision to hire a doula is personal. Many women find it comforting to have the emotional support of another woman in labor. Consider your own birthing philosophy and look for a doula who supports your choices.

Pregnancy Exercise for A Better Birth

Birth has been compared to running a marathon. It’s like waking up one day and realizing that you are going to have to run ten miles, like it or not. Even women in excellent physical shape will tell you it is a physical challenge like none other. If you signed up for a marathon, you would start training that day. Sitting around eating nachos is not going to get you there. Daily exercise, and a change in dietary habits are necessary to be ready.

Obviously, training for a marathon and preparing for birth are quite different.  Pregnancy exercise falls in two categories.

Aerobic exercise for stamina.
Focused exercise to target the back, belly, legs and bottom areas.


Aerobic exercise such as walking and swimming are popular choices for expectant moms.

Most women can find the time in their schedules to fit in a walk. If it’s been awhile since you have been out walking, start with ten minutes at a time, and slowly work up to doing thirty minutes a day. Wear supportive shoes, and drink plenty of water.
If you have access to a swimming pool, that is a great way to increase lung capacity and endurance. If you have not swam since becoming pregnant, start out with a kick board, or even just doing aerobic type exercises in the shallow end of the pool. One of the added benefits of being in waist deep water is how it takes the weight of the baby off your back and legs.
Try out a prenatal yoga class. In addition to the aerobic workout, you are increasing circulation and increasing flexibility and strength.
Focus on specific exercises to  tone and strengthen your back, abdominal, legs and birthing baby area.

Pelvic rocks. Assume a position where you are on your hands and knees, as if giving a child a piggy back ride. Tilt your pelvis so that you are rocking it back and forth. Your back should only slightly sag at the low point. It is similar to cat-cow in yoga. This tones the abs and strengthens the lower back muscles. Many women find this to be a great way to deal with low back ache in labor, too.
Squats. With feet shoulder distance apart, or more, hold on to your partner or heavy piece of furniture. Slowly bend your knees, dropping down into a full squat. It is important to keep your knees over your feet. Try to keep your heels on the floor, as well. When coming up, come butt first, with your hands on your knees. Be careful to not lose your balance. Squats help stretch the perineum (baby birthing area), and the muscles in your legs. This position opens the pelvis, allowing more room for the baby to move into the birth canal.
Kegel’s. This exercise can be done sitting at your desk, riding in the car, or while walking the dog. Simply squeeze the muscle that you would tighten if you were trying to “hold it” until you could get to a bathroom. Hold this muscle for a count of ten. Release, repeat. Doing kegels helps strengthen the pelvic floor, which helps during the birth. One of the many benefits is better sex. That’s a great reason alone!
These are my all time top three favorite pregnancy exercises. Be careful, using common sense when doing these or any other exercise. Do not get over heated or terribly out of breath. Stop immediately if you are dizzy, have sharp pain or have pain. These should not hurt. Consult with your health care professional before attempting these exercises.

Birthing is active. Get your body in shape for the birth-day marathon!